When I have the opportunity to teach a class, it is an awesome high! Watching faces, listening to voices to see if they really understand the new concept, and then they do and everything falls into place.
I have more to learn about teaching, but I am excited to keep learning and keep teaching.
Thursday, September 8, 2011
Things I wish I had understood...
I remember people telling me that marriage is hard. I had everything so well in hand (and I was young) that I thought they might have trouble, but I wouldn't.
I remember people telling me that having children changed your life. I didn't understand.
Lots of time has passed, and I can now admit it. They were right. Its not that I didn't believe them, totally, but I didn't have a frame of reference. I didn't know that sometimes I would feel like my husband (of x number of years) would seem like a stranger and I would be lonely laying in bed beside him. I didn't understand that a bundle of wonder would look into my eyes and I would feel the weight of survival and love pull me into reality.
They told me there were good things too. They were right. The feeling of a little hand in mine. The peal of laughter as a toddler learns to fly. The cuddle of a kid as they fall asleep in my lap. There are some things that I can describe but the words don't paint the whole picture. I can't explain the change that happens as a new child is born and my heart develops a whole new way to love. I struggle to find words that make another understand that the way I love that child is different, not better or worse, just a "different flavor" than my other children.
I think my heart gets fed when I lead a child to a new place of understanding. When I see their eyes light up with the delight of understanding and their mouth curl into a grin of joy. I spent a lot of years thinking about what each child knew, and what they needed to learn next, then walking with them down that new path. It was growth for both of us.
Having children growing up in my home was a growing up for me too. I discovered that I hadn't learned everything and there are always things reminding me that I have more to learn. I learned about patience and controlling my reactions. I learned about putting my wants after their needs. I learned to keep talking to my husband even if I didn't feel bonded to him.
I learned that a relationship that seems doomed can heal, and even, with both partners working, be happy again.
I experienced months of bedrest, twice, trying to keep babies alive. During that time I discovered my husband was stronger and more patient than I had ever dared believe. He would get up in the morning, get himself bathed and ready, then get our 1 year old up. He fed him, washed him, dressed him and kissed me goodbye as they were off to "work". In the evening, he picked our baby up from "daycare" and they came home. He fed him, bathed him, changed him and put him to bed. I couldn't even sit up.
Years later, with our third child, he once again proved himself a hero. Now we have three healthy children. It seems like a dream that we traveled that difficult path, but we did and we thrive more because of the challenges we faced.
Yes, they were right. It is hard. I didn't understand then. Perhaps I still have more to learn about, but I do understand now - it is hard but it is worth every challenge, especially if you pull together instead of apart.
I remember people telling me that having children changed your life. I didn't understand.
Lots of time has passed, and I can now admit it. They were right. Its not that I didn't believe them, totally, but I didn't have a frame of reference. I didn't know that sometimes I would feel like my husband (of x number of years) would seem like a stranger and I would be lonely laying in bed beside him. I didn't understand that a bundle of wonder would look into my eyes and I would feel the weight of survival and love pull me into reality.
They told me there were good things too. They were right. The feeling of a little hand in mine. The peal of laughter as a toddler learns to fly. The cuddle of a kid as they fall asleep in my lap. There are some things that I can describe but the words don't paint the whole picture. I can't explain the change that happens as a new child is born and my heart develops a whole new way to love. I struggle to find words that make another understand that the way I love that child is different, not better or worse, just a "different flavor" than my other children.
I think my heart gets fed when I lead a child to a new place of understanding. When I see their eyes light up with the delight of understanding and their mouth curl into a grin of joy. I spent a lot of years thinking about what each child knew, and what they needed to learn next, then walking with them down that new path. It was growth for both of us.
Having children growing up in my home was a growing up for me too. I discovered that I hadn't learned everything and there are always things reminding me that I have more to learn. I learned about patience and controlling my reactions. I learned about putting my wants after their needs. I learned to keep talking to my husband even if I didn't feel bonded to him.
I learned that a relationship that seems doomed can heal, and even, with both partners working, be happy again.
I experienced months of bedrest, twice, trying to keep babies alive. During that time I discovered my husband was stronger and more patient than I had ever dared believe. He would get up in the morning, get himself bathed and ready, then get our 1 year old up. He fed him, washed him, dressed him and kissed me goodbye as they were off to "work". In the evening, he picked our baby up from "daycare" and they came home. He fed him, bathed him, changed him and put him to bed. I couldn't even sit up.
Years later, with our third child, he once again proved himself a hero. Now we have three healthy children. It seems like a dream that we traveled that difficult path, but we did and we thrive more because of the challenges we faced.
Yes, they were right. It is hard. I didn't understand then. Perhaps I still have more to learn about, but I do understand now - it is hard but it is worth every challenge, especially if you pull together instead of apart.
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